I should be sleeping. I'm sitting on top of my amazingly cushy bed. My eyes are heavy lidded. They burn for sleep, to dream... my brain desperately needs to shut down for the day. Oh, but I know my brain -- there is no rest for the wicked! My brain has been on overdrive alllllll day long and sleep will only delve into the flotsam and jetsam of my subconscious, extrapolating the least interesting and probably most bizarre of pieces and throw them together.
That sentence alone is proof of how badly I need to sleep.
Such a normal thing for our bodies to do. We need to sleep. We want to sleep. We desire sleep. We crave sleep. We use sleep to avoid other things. We love to sleep as a means to cope. So many reasons to want/love/need sleep. In our household, sleep is a fleeting thing. I tell people I haven't slept through a night in 7 years (since the rascals were born) and they laugh. Thinking I'm joking.
Ok, I'm exaggerating. To be generous and fair, I have probably slept a total of 10 nights straight through and that does NOT count be anesthetized for surgery -- although I highly recommend that!! That, my friends, is the deep sleep of the Gods!!! Getting up in the middle of the night happens every night, several times a night. Yet every night when I go to bed, I'm hopeful that "tonite" will be "the" night I'll sleep all night long.
It's anxiety provoking... the act of falling asleep. I have gone through short periods in the past of avoiding going to sleep at night. Isn't that crazy? Well, that fits the bill, though, right? I need sleep but I can't sleep, which makes me crazy - which makes me need sleep - but I can't sleep - which makes me crazy - which makes me need sleep... you get the picture...
Ok. As a close friend of mine would say right about now? "Jenn, you are wayyyy overthinking this." And another close friend would add, "Now get your ass in bed."